Whisper Wind´s characters

[LNS]

*squees and snugs Citrus*

I was wondering who would come up with something for her. The idea of her actually smelling faintly of oranges is very cool. I can see how that could be annoying for her to hear though.

[Becka *Pone*]

I really like her. She's different, she's interesting, but running away from Dream Valley to PV at 16 is not completely realistic. That's a long distance for a pony to up and move away from family to noone they know, especially at that age. And I'm not completely sure why she ran away anyways - it sounds like she had a loving family who didn't mind her changes.

I'd also like to see a better sample RP. Generally Sample RPs should only contain the character you are applying for. They should be more of a look inside themselves. It shouldn't be them talking to another character (yours or someone elses). You are trying to show off Citrus - show of Citrus, not other characters as well!

[Whispering Wind]

I have edited her bio, and will write her a new sample RP post as soon as I get some time and inspiration.

[Whispering Wind]

Citrus had left a long trail of hoofprints in the sand. The young earthling sat on a rock at Dazzle Beach, quietly watching the waves. It's sad. Why do my body long to dive into the sea, when I fight to avoid the water? She flicked her ears - she heard something. Something awfully familiar. Ripples appeard at the surface of the sea. Citrus got up at once, as the intensive summer rain started to fall. She ran, but she already knew that she had no chace to get under a tree or into a building before it was too late. There were not many ponies on the beach, but those that were there had started to gather their sruff and run aswell. Citrus knew that they would see her. Any second now. So instead of running away from the sea, she made a sudden turn and continued to run - in the opposite direction. They must think that I'm mad, the earthling thought. Perhaps I am. And she leapt right into the waves.
The water was deep, and Citrus dived towards the bottom. She closed her eyes, bubbles escaping her slightly opened mouth.
A overwhelming feeling of freedom came over her. She inhalted the water. Glancing towards her back, she could see her characteristic fin that had now replaced her hind legs. Citrus swam the fastest she could towards the surface, and made a brilliant, dolphin-like jump. With her head over the water, she realized that the rain had already stopped, and the beach bathed in the rays of the sun. And there, in the beautiful blue sky, was a great rainbow.
The little merpony sighed, not knowing what to think. Everything felt so great. She had been longing to dive into the water. But at the same time, Citrus wondered if it had been necessary to throw herself into the water. She smiled and dived again.

[Whispering Wind]

Oh, um - Is anything more required? Should I make the sample post longer?

[Becka *Pone*]

I haven't had a chance to re-read everything yet, but I will be able to either tonight or tommorrow, or maybe during lunch today

[Becka *Pone*]

Now THAT is a sample RP! It was beautiful.

I'm assuming her parents understood her need to get off the island then? Since they are sending her money to support herself? Make this a little clearer perhaps, and I will kick one of the other biomods into gear to read and reply as well.

[Delta]

Personally, I like it, and I can't find any problems with it. And the second sample post is excellent, way better than the first one.

As soon as you clear up whether her parents understood why she left the island, I'll give it my stamp.

[Whispering Wind]

Thank you, girls. I'll go edit her bio.

EDIT: I edited the history part. *crosses fingers*

[Becka *Pone*]

*stamp*

Unfortunately, Delta can't stamp Third Hasbros yet, so you're going to have to wait on Jewel or Roxy, but I told Jewel to check out the joining board yesterday, so she should be by soon.

[Whispering Wind]

*bows*
Thanks, Becka. I'll wait patiently.

[Delta]

Ooh yeah! I forgot I couldn't stamp third hasbros... I had such a mental blank yesterday.

[Roxanne]

whisperwind said:

Type: Earthling

History: Life is hard for Citrus. She is tored apart between two different worlds.

They do not feel that they really are able to understand her troughoutly either.

Interesting stuff! I stamp it, but please fix a few things that are bothering me. I was confused upon first reading the bio, because I didn't know she was a merpony, and there was all that talk about "when transformed." She's an earthling/merpony cross, it seems - so to make it less confusing, please put that info in her "type" description.

The other two things are just spelling errors - "torn apart" and "thoroughly." Don't mind me, I'm feeling picky tonight! ; )

Stamped! Very interesting character!

[Whispering Wind]

Thanks Roxy!
I will go edit that right away. And I'll get you an extra thank you for correcting my spelling errors. That helps me develop my english vocabulary.

[Roxanne]

Is English not your first language? You could have fooled me ; ). Where are you from?

And if you really don't mind and want the help, I caught some other things as well. : )

"She heats to hear that." - should be "hates"
"Even though that, she tries to live a normal life." - awkward, maybe say "in spite of that"
"As the members of her family is common ponies" - should be "members of her family are" (members is the subject, needs to agree with the verb)
"But they love her, and sees how frustrated she gets" - "they love her and see how frustrated she gets" (subject-verb agreement again)
"Part, she enjoys it." - should be "partly"
"Was her biological parents from the ocean or from dry land?" - "were her biological parents" (subject-verb agreement)